Today I spent the afternoon looking up religions. This country was founded on religion and is ran by some of my favorite religious people. Today I found a new religion I hadn't heard of before, Scientology. I took one of their free tests, it was pretty fun. Some sample questions are below.
>Can you “start the ball rolling” at a social gathering?
I love playing ball.
>Do you bite your fingernails or chew the end of your pencil?
No, but I sometimes lick my own butthole.
>If we were invading another country, would you feel sympathetic
>towards conscientious objectors in this country?
"conscientious objectors" is that even a real thing?
>Does a minor failure on your part rarely trouble you?
What does "failure" mean?
>Are you suspicious of people who ask to borrow money from you?
Charles still owes me $40, I think he might have wasted it on liberal propoganda.
>Would you assist a fellow traveler rather than leave it to
>the officials?
Officials tend to know best. I mean I could probably fix the problem myself but I just don't have time to be taking care of every body else's problems.
>Can you accept defeat easily without the necessity of
>“swallowing your disappointment”?
I couldn't answer this one because I've never been defeated.
>Do people enjoy being in your company?
Is this question even necessary?
>Would you make the necessary actions to kill an animal
>in order to put it out of pain?
I did this to a pitbull I injured once, not a big deal.
>Do others push you around?
HAHAHAHAAHHA!!!!
>Do you often ponder over your own inferiority?
Some of these questions are really dumb.
>Are you embarrassed by a hearty greeting such as a kiss,
>hug, or pat on the back, if done in public?
I'll sniff anyone's crotch that I meet.
>Are you sometimes convinced of the correctness of your
>opinions about a subject even though you are not an expert?
This one was a trick question because I'm an expert on pretty much every subject.
>If you lose an article, do you get the idea that
>“someone must have stolen or mislaid it”?
I've seen Milo eyeball a couple of my toys... Nothing has turned up missing yet.
Here are my test results. I'm not sure how to read this graph. Stupid graphs.
>Can you “start the ball rolling” at a social gathering?
I love playing ball.
>Do you bite your fingernails or chew the end of your pencil?
No, but I sometimes lick my own butthole.
>If we were invading another country, would you feel sympathetic
>towards conscientious objectors in this country?
"conscientious objectors" is that even a real thing?
>Does a minor failure on your part rarely trouble you?
What does "failure" mean?
>Are you suspicious of people who ask to borrow money from you?
Charles still owes me $40, I think he might have wasted it on liberal propoganda.
>Would you assist a fellow traveler rather than leave it to
>the officials?
Officials tend to know best. I mean I could probably fix the problem myself but I just don't have time to be taking care of every body else's problems.
>Can you accept defeat easily without the necessity of
>“swallowing your disappointment”?
I couldn't answer this one because I've never been defeated.
>Do people enjoy being in your company?
Is this question even necessary?
>Would you make the necessary actions to kill an animal
>in order to put it out of pain?
I did this to a pitbull I injured once, not a big deal.
>Do others push you around?
HAHAHAHAAHHA!!!!
>Do you often ponder over your own inferiority?
Some of these questions are really dumb.
>Are you embarrassed by a hearty greeting such as a kiss,
>hug, or pat on the back, if done in public?
I'll sniff anyone's crotch that I meet.
>Are you sometimes convinced of the correctness of your
>opinions about a subject even though you are not an expert?
This one was a trick question because I'm an expert on pretty much every subject.
>If you lose an article, do you get the idea that
>“someone must have stolen or mislaid it”?
I've seen Milo eyeball a couple of my toys... Nothing has turned up missing yet.
Here are my test results. I'm not sure how to read this graph. Stupid graphs.
posted by Tatanka at 10:49 PM
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