Thursday, April 07, 2011

On Bugets

I almost got side-tracked today and talked about how great and humble I am. But the Internet was making enough noise about the upcoming budgets so I just had to weigh in. Really it's pretty simple: choose one of the following two options:

Option A: A plan that will kill babies, deflower virgins, destroy America, invite Satan into our lives, decrease quality health care, leave us vulnerable to terrorists, give handouts to the lazy, encourage entitlement, let Democrats win, take money from the rich, bankrupt practically everyone you know, personally offend me, and might save a few measly trillion dollars.


Option B: A plan that will lead to prosperity, will save hundreds of billions of trillions of dollars, and that was put together by my main man Paul Ryan.

Seems like an easy choice to me.

-TKO Out

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

On Union Bustting

A good friend of mine explained it best:

My liberal friends just don't understand the Wisconsin dilemma. If Walker allows the public unions to keep collective bargaining, that's like me saying to the Genie "fine, I will give up 2 of my 3 wishes, but I get to keep 1... see how much I'm willing to sacrifice?". Then with my last wish, I wish for more wishes

Seriously, how can we trust these people with all those wishes when the best they could do with past wishes was guaranteeing themselves jobs that pay $50K a year? Let's not waste the wishes we hand out!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

On Fake Freedom

If I had known that Democracy in the Middle East was going to cost me an extra dollar a gallon for gas I think I would have opted for more tyranny.

Sunday, February 20, 2011


Apparently there is a raging debating going on on the Internet about whether or not NPR and PBS is part of the left wing domination of news media. Luckily for you, my loyal readers, I'm here to tell you the answer, with proof. The debate ends here with my list of reasons why it's clear that NPR and PBS are part of the left wing propaganda communist machine and why we should stop funding them.

  1. No one ever yells on their programs

  2. It's very boring

  3. Ira Glass

  4. The commentators spend a lot of time talking about books that they didn't write

  5. My parents listen to it

  6. NPR doesn't spend all day of everyday praising Bush and exposing Obama's lies

  7. The Cookie Monster (he's blue through and through)

  8. Grandpa says it's so

Thursday, February 10, 2011

On Wanted Adds

I don't undestand the problem here--I take pictures without a shirt on and send them to people all the time.

Betsy requested one just the other day. Here's what I sent her:

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

On Ungreatful

I'm pretty sure Regan's kids were adopted.

Monday, February 07, 2011

On More Famous

I wonder why if "President" Obama is so great why is my girl Sarah Palin on the news more often? No one seems to follow him around caring what he has to say, but everyone loves my girl!!!!

There is one small problem with Sarah Palin though: she practically says everything that is on my mind. She's going to put me out of a job.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

On Ronald Reagon

Here's to you old buddy! You and the gold old days!

Happy 100th!

Thursday, April 01, 2010

On Name Changeing

I've been thinking of changing my name. While I have made the name Tatanka fairly popular over the last five years it's still sort of a liberal-native-American-back-to-your-roots type of nonsense I just can't get behind. Google inspired me today; I'm headed down to the court house to change my name to Texas.

Monday, March 29, 2010

On Braking the Law

As you guys know I love the police; I dream of one day retiring from being Secretary of Defense and taking up Police Commissioner as a hobby (not of San Francisco of course--they don't let you arrest proper criminals there) . So it breaks my heart to see this:

Clearly this is a ragtag band of liberal dogs, probably illegal aliens even, I'm sure I've even seen some of them at pro-abortion rallies before. Anyway, it's a shame what this country is coming to. As if having a Muslim as president wasn't bad enough!


Thursday, November 12, 2009

On Wierd

Today I was sitting around wondering if there are any creatures weirder than my sister. I could only think of three:

3. The Armadillo - Turning into a rolling tank thingy is awesome, but weird right?

2. The Duckbill Platypus - Uhhh.... Be a duck or be a platypus, but don't be both.

1. The Leprechaun - Seriously those things just creep me out. <shiver>

Friday, October 30, 2009

On Berthing

I'm not afraid to put up my real birth certificate for the whole world to see... Why is Obama so afraid to show us his?

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

On Criing.

So my parents spent another $100 getting me diagnosed with dry eyes at the vet. Had they asked I would have told them that of course it's physically impossible for me to cry. I've never been hurt my entire life, so it's hard to test the theory, but trust me, I don't cry. Do you know who the only person who has cried less than me is? Chuck Norris. It's actually a tie because neither of us have ever cried, but I might have thought about crying once, when Obama was elected President, but I kept my stuff together, which isn't to say that Chuck wasn't distraught by the event too, but believe me, he wasn't thinking about crying, I'm sure he was thinking about drop-kicking Obama and his little monkey Biden all the way to the Sun (that thought actually kept me from crying in that most trying time). Anyway, now my parents keep putting eye-drops in my eye which gives the illusion of crying, but please, everyone, know that I am NOT crying.


Monday, April 06, 2009

On Sometimes Your Right

I need to catch up on a little news.

Just to be clear and before I'm misunderstood I want to say that I don't think Obama picks great nominees for his cabinet, however sometimes his selections are very telling. For instance he originally chose Tom Daschle for head of Health and Human Services and White House Office of Health Reform. This was a bad pick to begin with mind you, but when Mr. Daschle withdrew his nomination Obama went looking for a replacement and all he could find were women. And guess what? He realized there was no way one woman could ever do the job of one man (even a liberal hippie man) and so he chose two women to take on the job that Daschle was going to do alone. So now we have Nancy-Ann Min DeParle (stupid name) and Kathleen Sebelius as partners (I don't know why they insist on all the lesbian innuendos: "partner this and partner that", but you know it's just like the gays to flaunt it in your face). Point being, even though Obama is a terrorists it's good to see he's still able to recognize the proper value of men and women.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

On Tyme Off

Guys, seriously, sorry. I can only imagine how hard your lives have been not having me around (especially in such dire times with our insane/communist president practically turning America into the U.S.S.R). But I needed some time to lick my wounds--it's what us dogs do--before I could come back here. You're probably wondering what I did while I was away. No worries, I've made a list.

1. Chased tail (no better way to get back into a groove, I recommend it to anyone).
2. Started a garden (well actually I've just eaten some of the strawberries out of someone elses garden but it was hard work and it was nice to get back in touch with the land).
3. Destroyed my sister (ok so it was a dream, but man was it a good dream)
4. Slept (a lot)
5. Used a substantial amount of my parent's money on unnecessary trips to the vet. (They say I'm the perfect weight, btw, so no more fat jokes guys)
6. Was abducted by some liberal hippies in the east bay. I'm not sure what happened there but it wasn't actually too bad, there were these little kids that would play nonstop and they had the greatest tasting snot on their faces and the guy who appeared to run the place was great to chill on the couch with. Plus my sister wasn't there. It was shocking at first and at times it was hard to hear the liberal nonsense they talked about but I could lose myself enough in the snot and naps on the couch that it almost made it worth while, plus it's not like I get a break from the liberal nonsense at home anyway).
7. Caught up on reading. Only American stuff of course. I've made it through my dad's Hemingway collection, now I'm moving on to Updike.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

On Inagurations

Ugh. Really. Ugh.


Really? We needed change? After eight glorious years of pure Bush heaven you want a change? I don't get people sometimes. Anyway, I realized today the only reason why Obama won was because of gimmicky advertising.

It's cool though, in four years expect me to take control back:

Saturday, January 03, 2009

On Chrismas Spirit

I'm not the best with words (big words and long sentence turn you liberal) so I get a little confused when my parents call my personal hero Dick Cheney evil. Now surely this word most have some positive meaning to it, as most words that describe Mr. Vice President do: lovable, cuddly, handsome, brave, dangerous, bad (meaning good). So anyway I figure who better to celebrate (other than Jesus, my good friend also) than Dick Cheney at this special time of year? So I rearranged some of our decorations in honor of my main man.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

On Gladd It's Over

Seriously, can we stop hearing about Barack HUSSEIN Obama? This election wore me out.

Dad let me borrow his new iphone and I got this sweet picture:

Friday, October 24, 2008

On Prety

The Left-loving-media is giving the future Vice President (which I will just shorten to The Vice President here on out) and Senator McCain a hard time about the way they're spending some of their campaign money. But really it's not a big deal that the most beautiful woman in the world is spending more on style than on a Foreign Policy Adviser, and I'll tell you why. When you're the most experienced person in the world in regard to foreign policy why would you need an adviser? I'm pretty sure this "adviser" probably just brings Senator McCain and Vice President Palin their coffee (grown in Brazil no doubt) and stuff, why would you want to pay someone a lot of money for that?

Also I've been thinking a lot about the first thing I'm going to do when I finally meet the Vice President, and I've decided that the Secret Service (and Todd) be damned, I'm going to hump her leg. If you come over to my house I might have to practice on you, I want it to be just right when I finally meet her.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

On Socialisation

Everyone is going on and on about how the Republicans have given up on the free markets and how we should be embracing socialized medicine soon too. The left is throwing around silly accusations about how hypocritical the right is. So it's up to me, of course, to straighten this mess out.

To see why this isn't socialism let me compare it to socialized medicine. For starters (and I can't believe I really have to point this out, but the left has never show itself to be super smart) look at the words. Socialized Medicine vs AIG Bail-Out. There it is, all spelled out, one has socialism in the name, the other is just a bail-out, not socialization. Point number two: look at where the money is going. In socialism money goes to individuals (lazy, greedy, entitlement loving people) but in a bail-out the money goes to a corporation (filled with rich and thus honest, hard working, productive people).

Everyone can relax now, Bush and company have this under control, and they're certainly not fixing it with socialism!