I need to talk about a very, very, very serious topic now: Stephen Colbert.
First off, let's be kind and forgive him the French name and continued French pronunciation. The man is a genius: clever, funny, conservative, a fan of O'Reilly (God Bless You Bill-O), he's not afraid to call a liberal a dirty liberal, so forth and so on. I'm sure anyone who has seen the show and read my blog have probably seen a great deal in overlap on how our minds work: fast, keen, sharp, wittily, always right, trend setting, etc. Surprisingly I've noticed that a lot of times I'll say something on my blog and a few days later Stephen will mention something very similar on his show. I'm not accusing him of anything, just pointing out facts.
What's my point you ask? Well let me tell you just what my point is. If I've learned one thing from Mr. Colbert it's that if you want something or someone's attention the best way to get it is by calling out their man-hood. So here it is. Mr. Colbert unless you let me be on your show I say you're chicken. You're afraid that I'll out showman you, out right-wing you, out good-looking you, out conservative you. Clearly your lack of having me on the show is a sure sign of fear. I ask YOU Mr. Colbert, when will Comedy Central end its embargo on balls? I at least have an excuse (I was neutered at a young age, and against my better judgment and will).
I can understand your fear, I've seen it in the eyes of many pit bulls and tree hugging hippies as I gnawed off their knee-caps. But you have to look at this the right way. Imagine me as your co-host, my superior sense of smell would be able to sniff out any liberal infiltrators in your audience or head off foul liberal ideas before they get anywhere near your hard earned suit, that thing is beautifully spotless. And let us not forget it will show undoubtedly, forever, how assured you are of our manhood, your testicles.
You sir, have been put on notice. I'm headed your direction.