Wednesday, September 24, 2008

On Socialisation

Everyone is going on and on about how the Republicans have given up on the free markets and how we should be embracing socialized medicine soon too. The left is throwing around silly accusations about how hypocritical the right is. So it's up to me, of course, to straighten this mess out.

To see why this isn't socialism let me compare it to socialized medicine. For starters (and I can't believe I really have to point this out, but the left has never show itself to be super smart) look at the words. Socialized Medicine vs AIG Bail-Out. There it is, all spelled out, one has socialism in the name, the other is just a bail-out, not socialization. Point number two: look at where the money is going. In socialism money goes to individuals (lazy, greedy, entitlement loving people) but in a bail-out the money goes to a corporation (filled with rich and thus honest, hard working, productive people).

Everyone can relax now, Bush and company have this under control, and they're certainly not fixing it with socialism!


Sunday, September 21, 2008

On Lawgic

My new girlfriend is getting some flack from the left (which is really just a compliment) for some of her State Official appointments. The one most talked about is the top of the State Division of Agriculture. It's been cited that the official's qualifications for the job was her life long love of cows.

Let's assume for a moment that this was the only reason she got the job (which is probably a bad assumption, she was also a highly skilled real estate agent, which means she knows stuff about land, and guess what farms are built on... Land. Also if you're Sarah's friend I think it implies a whole lot of good qualities about you as a person and your abilities to run just about any organization). Even if this were the only reason I don't think it's that bad of a reason, here are some examples of other successful similar logical appointments/selections (some are hypothetical).

President Bush - His life long love of the Rangers (the baseball team) turned out to be a perfect prerequisite for being the Commander of the Rangers (the Texas law enforcement agency) and later the US Military's Commander and Chief.

Michael D. Brown - He loved horses and so made a perfect fit as the head of FEMA

Tatanka Kessler - Always loved destroying things so would make a very, very good Secretary of Defense (I hope someone is reading this).

Don't worry Sarah, I think you appointed the right person for the job and will no doubt continue to do so in the future (please see my list above for suggested future appointments).


PS. Don't be surprised if you see similar material on Stephen Colbert's show later this week. BTW, he hasn't contacted me yet.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

On Colbear

Hello Friends,

I need to talk about a very, very, very serious topic now: Stephen Colbert.

First off, let's be kind and forgive him the French name and continued French pronunciation. The man is a genius: clever, funny, conservative, a fan of O'Reilly (God Bless You Bill-O), he's not afraid to call a liberal a dirty liberal, so forth and so on. I'm sure anyone who has seen the show and read my blog have probably seen a great deal in overlap on how our minds work: fast, keen, sharp, wittily, always right, trend setting, etc. Surprisingly I've noticed that a lot of times I'll say something on my blog and a few days later Stephen will mention something very similar on his show. I'm not accusing him of anything, just pointing out facts.

What's my point you ask? Well let me tell you just what my point is. If I've learned one thing from Mr. Colbert it's that if you want something or someone's attention the best way to get it is by calling out their man-hood. So here it is. Mr. Colbert unless you let me be on your show I say you're chicken. You're afraid that I'll out showman you, out right-wing you, out good-looking you, out conservative you. Clearly your lack of having me on the show is a sure sign of fear. I ask YOU Mr. Colbert, when will Comedy Central end its embargo on balls? I at least have an excuse (I was neutered at a young age, and against my better judgment and will).

I can understand your fear, I've seen it in the eyes of many pit bulls and tree hugging hippies as I gnawed off their knee-caps. But you have to look at this the right way. Imagine me as your co-host, my superior sense of smell would be able to sniff out any liberal infiltrators in your audience or head off foul liberal ideas before they get anywhere near your hard earned suit, that thing is beautifully spotless. And let us not forget it will show undoubtedly, forever, how assured you are of our manhood, your testicles.

You sir, have been put on notice. I'm headed your direction.

On Plan of Atack


This is how Mr. Obama responds in a fight? He comes out and talks a bunch of words? Writes a plan? Who needs a plan when you got a military veteran behind the wheel? We need a president, and vice president, who are tough, ready to fight, like pitbulls, or chugs (I mean if we're going to be serious about our analogies I think chug makes a lot more sense here).

Anyway, who has time to read a whole plan? What's happening to America? George W's gut has lead us so far and so well you'd think we'd be over all this plan stuff. Plans are for sissies.

This sort of reminds me of a story (true no doubt). One time my mom left a whole box of chocolates out on the floor, in a bag. And you see I have this awesome nose so I of course find those chocolates. And what do I do when I find those chocolates? I don't make any girly plans. I tear into those things like there's no tomorrow. Before you know it I've eaten five or six of them. Then I hear mom behind me. I've got no where to run or hide so I just swallow two more before she can get me. Boy did I get in trouble, but guess what, I also got seven or eight pieces of chocolate. She also made me drink hydrogen peroxide, which made me throw up, but who cares? The chocolate was so good. If I would have been Obama (or Morgan) I would have sat there making plans or thinking about ramifications; then mom would showed up and I wouldn't have gotten any chocolate. So yeah, if you don't like chocolate feel free to vote for this guy. But if you love chocolate, McCain is your man (and Palin is your woman, seriously though, she's so much more like a Chug than a pitbull, I mean pitbulls' eyes are too far apart like they're retarded or something).

Thursday, September 04, 2008

On Loveing

I've always said women should be in politics, that they make great leaders, and that they are just as capable as men. And now, finally, someone has come along to prove my point. My new crush:

"Drill Baby Drill!"

I love you Sarah Palin.