Monday, April 30, 2007

On Writting Pomes

I was over at Milo's the other night and his parents have some refrigerator poetry magnets so I thought I would try my paw at a bit of poetry. I found myself to be surprisingly good.
** Tataken is the Slavic form of Tatanka.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

On Overwait

My parents have been calling me "fatty fat fat" lately. . . but I still think that's one fine looking piece of booty.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

On steenk

As much as I love to find myself a soft cushiony spot on the plushest of couches covered in the finest of cloth, there is still nothing I appreciate more than a good spot of stink in the middle of a grassy field. Stink Spots can be found in a variety of places and can be caused by a variety of things, but their purpose is universally the same- for me to roll in. Sometimes I can find one of these spots in my own backyard, usually the work of some stinky worms, and roll around in that until my mom comes out and yells at me. A lot of times at the beach I can find Stink Spots caused by dead seagulls, and once I even got to a dead seal before my parents caught up with me and dragged me out of it. Anyway, I love Stink Spots. Last weekend I found one that made me so deliriously happy, that I didn't even notice when my mom dragged me away.

Monday, April 23, 2007

On Purple Harts

Good news--George W. Bush is receiving a Purple Heart. I'm not trying to say that he can't handle all the pressure and attacks from the extreme left, but I think it's great that his valiant efforts are being recognized.

Monday, April 16, 2007

On Kurt Vonneget

This weekend I was involved in a weird liberal ritual.

So this guy, Kurt Vonnegut, he wrote books, and they were supposedly funny and clever. Well, he died last week and my parents' friends all came over for a "reading" to celebrate his work. Everyone wore black and at first I was all into it. I mean, "funny and clever"- sounds just like my type of thing right? And his most famous book is called "Slaughter House Five." How could this guy and I not get along perfectly? Well it was a trick; that book isn't about slaughtering and destroying lots of things (okay it is, but it tries to claim that slaughtering and destroying isn't a good thing--as if!) But that's not even the worst of it, other selected readings included the beginning of "Breakfast of Champions" which is nothing more than a fountain of anti-American hogwash.

I'm covered in liberal filth! I've never needed a bath more in all my days.
I'd for sure burn that picture if I didn't look so dang dapper.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

On Well Spokin

So, one of my New Awesome biatches, Betsey, made a very good point in a recent post about me. I'm not talking about the obvious (that I'm a pretty awesome blogger); I'm talking about the fact that it might be time for my parents to get their own place. It's kind of embarrassing bringing ladies home and having to explain my weird liberal parents to them. Preferably they'd take Morgan along, but if they didn't want to -- which who could blame them -- I'd keep her around to do the dishes and stuff. If anyone knows of any available apartments for my parents let me know. The sooner the better, then I can start working on my bachelor pad.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

On Vetos

I don't get it; why does the (stupid) Democratic Congress keep trying to pass bills that my main man is going to veto? Why not just do what he wants from the start instead of wasting everyone's time. Why do they hate our troops and unborn babies?

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

On Qute

Seeing that last post reminded me of how cute I am.
Turns out I not only look great in bunny outfits, but little blue p.jays too.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

On Eester

As with most things in life, it would have been better had they gotten me for the job.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

On Neight

Today is my friend Nate's Birthday. So I thought I'd take some time to list the top three reason's I love Nate. Now I realize that the majority of my readers are human and maybe don't appreciate the same characteristics in a friend that canines do, but trust me on this one.

1. Nate is very comfortable to lay on
2. Nate's crotch makes a great hiding place
3. Nate's got some fine-looking pants

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

On Clarifikation

I realized that by pointing out how Charles and Tessa got me that George Bush doll in my last post, readers might be likely to think they were really great people. . . which is why I need to do some clarification.
Those two did not let me sleep with them even once. They were here for like 8 freakin' nights and not once did they let me share the futon with them. Oh they posed for pictures like they were all loving our time together;
they let me warm their bed and entertain them with my good looks, and then when they wanted to sleep, it was, "let me show you where the door is Tatanka".
Seriously rude guys!
I'm just saying, I think next time you're gonna have to bring me a Dick Cheney and a Bill O'Reilly toy if you expect to make amends for being so rude.

Monday, April 02, 2007

On Best Toyes Ever

I'm starting to think that the joke yesterday wasn't a good idea. I mean, I'm all for a good laugh, but I think I'm realizing that it's just sacrilegious to make a joke of certain things. I had two nightmares last night- one that Hillary read my post and made me be her mascot, and another that I was involved in a war protest. Wicked scary.
Anyway, I was grateful to wake up. After doing so, I went straight to my basket of toys and pulled out my newest and most favorite one, Mr. Bush, and loved him for about an hour. . .
By way of introduction to my Bush doll (he's not really a "doll" in the traditional sense of the word, btw) I recently mentioned that our friend Charles, and his now fiance Tessa, were visiting a few weeks back. What I didn't have a chance to mention yet was that they bought me my very own George W. Bush. This video has footage of me receiving him for the first time. I don't know why my dad thought it was so funny to keep him from me for so long, or why he let Morgan's dirty liberal mouth touch him, but you'll see how I kung-fu rabbit-kicked her away and saved Bush for my very own.

Anyway, most of my toys I just destroy, but not Mr. Bush. I like to tenderize his feet- just kinda gnaw and lick his cowboy boots.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

On Reconsiduration

APRIL FOOLS! I was going to wait till tomorrow to tell you that last post was a joke, but I couldn't fall asleep tonight because I felt so dirty having people think I was a democrat. Can you even imagine? I'm going to go tear something up.

God Bless President Bush.

On Convershion

I've got some really big news. I realize some people might be really sad about this but others will be really happy (having me switch sides is obviously a great loss to the loser and a great gain to the winner). After studying the issues and re-examining Bush's presidency while my parents were away, I decided to become a democrat. People need health care (my grandparents are getting really old), war is bad, capitalism ISN'T the greatest thing ever, and maybe we should give socialism a second chance.

From now on I shall be a positive force for hippie-ism and tree-hugging! Peace and happiness to all!