Monday, January 28, 2008

On Oh Deer

January 4th was the last time I posted. I'm ashamed. For all those who have stuck with me through the slow times I thank you. For those who have abandoned me (like the Right has abandoned Bush, God Bless him), thanks for nothing. Not to make excuses but I have been busy advising Huckabee. Unfortunately we've come to an en passe. He doesn't think a dog can rightly server a Secretary of Defense. Clearly this is not true. You guys know I've patterned my life after one of our very best Secretary of Defenses: Donald Rumsfeld (no Offense Secretary Gates). I'm ready for this job. Plus he's been asking a lot of questions about my sister, what breed is she (useless), how much does she weigh (35lbs), does she shed (yes, a ton, you don't want to mess with that), is she smart (hahahah, please). So anyway, I'm moving my support away from Huckabee. I haven't decided who I'm going to back yet. I'll keep you guys posted though. Also, my blog is going off-line for a couple hours tonight. Don't worry, I haven't left the Internet, in fact since I'm not on the campaign trail anymore I will be back in full force.

Friday, January 04, 2008

On Almost Famus Sucks

Ok I know I should be posting about Huckabee right now, and don't get me wrong, I am in fact excited, but I first have to follow up with more news from my big debut the other day. (Like all movie stars, I have my causes, but my career comes first).

My mom keeps saying I lost my chance at stardom because I didn't follow directions, but here's the deal- I WAS TRICKED!! They were all like "Tatanka, come be a big movie star", but then they wanted me to compromise myself for this video. After I got there (we call it "arrived on the set" in show biz) they set it all up and then said, "all you have to do is sit on this guys lap and lick his face". . . Ummmm, No Thank You! Where are the hot chicks I was promised? Well maybe I wasn't promised any hot chicks but still I think it's kinda implied when you're in the biz.

So anyway, I licked once but only because they put bacon grease on the guys mustache, but I wasn't gonna be caught falling for that trick again, and they better not be putting any of that footage on the web trying to make it look like I was into him or something. After that first lick I gaged, spit, and refused to go on. I was NOT going to give them any second takes until they replaced that hairy-mouthed guy with a hot chick.
I told them I would give it another go if they'd just make the switch, but apparently, that didn't fit the bill or something. Oh, and that's not the only thing that sucks about almost being famous. Turns out they don't even pay you right then and there- the check's "in the mail". Humph!

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

On Almost Famus

My pall Milo has gotten me a sweet gig on a Yahoo Video. I'm not one-hundred percent sure what the deal is yet but there will be cameras, hot chicks, and me. I'll report back tomorrow to let everyone know how it goes. One thing I do know is I'm making $100 off this; I hope my parents don't try to make me split the profits with my stupid sister.

Soon Letterman is going to want me on his show.