Wednesday, January 31, 2007

On The Staight of the Union

I've been gathering my thoughts concerning the State of the Union address that my man W gave last week. I didn't want to jump right on here and start posting the first things that crossed my mind; I want you all to know that I deliberate on the news and political talks that I hear before forming opinions about them. However, much like W, once I know something is right, good luck knocking me off course. What conclusions have I come to? The address was pure genius. Bush at his best; he was funny, personable, didn't sound too sophisticated, it was so down to earth it almost felt like he hadn't prepared for the address at all--now that's natural charisma. Since I agree with all of it I don't have to pick it apart, pointing out all the flaws and fallacies (like I did with everyone of Clinton's State of the Union addresses).

That being said I do feel the need to defend one of Bush's finer points. What he has outlined IS a new war strategy. We're no longer "fighting" the insurgents, now we're "battling" them. It's subtle but let me help you understand it (you obviously need help understanding). Fighting is sort of haphazard, going in John Wayne style, guns pulled and fists flying. Battling, on the other hand, requires preparation and long term planning. This is the second stage of the war, in the first stage we experienced enormous successes, but a slight alteration of strategy is required to finish the war--that's what the second stage is for. Plus there is an additional twenty-thousand troops--which unfortunately doesn't include Chuck Norris or me--this is clearly a new era of the Iraq war. Give it time people, Bush deserves as much considering all the tax cuts he's given us.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

On Too Seksy

'Nuff said.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

On Modleing

You might have noticed I've been busy the last few days. Don't worry- it's just because I've been doing a bit of modeling. My mom has been advertising her dog photography at a booth at the GGKC Dog Show this weekend, and what can I say, beauty sells!
Here's a little snapshot of the booth, and not that anyone is counting, but from what I can see it looks like my mom chose to use 4 pictures of me and 1 of Morgan. I'm just saying. . . .

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

On Earlobs

I like to think of myself as somewhat of a romantic. And most of you who know me are probably familiar with what I'm talking about-- I can give pretty much anyone weak knees with my earlobe licking trick. This isn't something I save just for the ladies either. I use this on pretty much anyone who will have me (except Morgan- her lobes are all furry- sick!) But I just wanted to take this opportunity to say that my Day Laborer, while questionable in some areas, has the greatest lobes of all. Erik, I want the world to know that I love your lobes. They are the best, man.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

On Paytriots

As a real American I love sports. Not soccer, that's a game for foreigners, but football and baseball (sometimes basketball too). As you can probably guess my favorite football team is the New England Patriots. Who wouldn't love them with a name like the Patriots--I've even considered trying out for their team mascot, but there was some requirement about being human. It's kind of a dumb requirement given I'm the biggest Patriot in America. But whatever, tonight they were playing to win the AFC Championship game and to make their way to the Super Bowl. Alas! They lost to the dreaded Colts. I think if they would have let me be their mascot I could have rallied enough energy for them to win.

I'm kind of worried this will embolden the terrorist to attack American. If the Patriots can lose then they'll think they can defeat our armies and economic might as well. Luckily they'd be wrong. Hmmm, maybe the President would like me to be America's mascot. The eagle, while beautiful and dignified, is getting kind of old.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

On Beeing Brown

I found this song today; it expresses a lot of feelings I've been having lately. It's hard being the brown child of white parents (and having little babies all over town).

Friday, January 19, 2007

On Beeing 2'4"

Holy Crap, my life sucks sometimes!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

On bad Saanta

As the holidays come to a close, with the passing of Martin Luther King Jr. Day (not sure who the guy is but I get the day off so what do I care) I just wanted to put my two cents in for the season:
Santa brought me ONE lousy thing on my list. There were 15 things on my list and I got 1. Not good odds. I suppose that technically my stuffed hedgehog falls under both "stuffed hedgehog" and "things to destroy", but that's not really following the spirit of the law, is it Big Red guy? And now that the hedgehog has been destroyed, I have nothing.

That's me with hedgehog guts scattered around his decapitated body.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

On Stem Sell Research

After last week's news that the House was once again trying to overstep their bounds by passing bills that God and W. just don't agree with, I decided I needed to do some first-hand research. Uncle Jason has sadly chosen a path that is bound to get him all mixed up in this "science" mumbo jumbo, and is currently working on his PhD in Genetics at Stanford.
While he's a bit of a disappointment to the family, on the bright side, his current position did give me access to do some research of my own.
So I did the whole deal; I put on the silly glasses, the "I'm so smart" white lab coat, face mask, etc. I mean really- I wasn't holding back on this science thing- I was giving it a fair shot. So then Jason put what I can only assume were baby embryos in a little beaker and I watched it with my own two eyes. . .
Nothing!!! No cure for Parkinson's, no nothing! It smoked a little and then disappeared. I will say this: I saw a whole bunch of mice around one corner. So at best all these scientists are doing is taking our precious embryo children and turning them into mice. No thank you!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

On Lazyer Labor

Today was Day Four without my Day Laborer, and I'm starting to think I should reconsider some things I said about Erik. My mom is like 20 times more lazy than him. I mean, she didn't even have her appendix out this week (not that I'm suggesting that's a good excuse for not taking me out either) but she just sits on her butt all day long, looks at the computer, talks on the phone. . . What the crap!
. . . the life of a D.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

On Compasionate Conservatism

I'd like to address the fact that Republicans often get called out for being cut-throat, lacking a certain sensitivity, (not that there's anything wrong with that) but I'd like to point out that we can be sympathetic if called upon to be so. For example, being a backer of the Survival of the Fittest philosophy, I would have normally destroyed Morgan in this circumstance . . .
but because there were sweet, young, innocent individuals (Milo) in our midst, I decided to turn the other cheek and do my part as one of this country's compassionate conservatives.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

On Knew Names

Two words: Chug Norris.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

On Lazy Laber

I've told you guys about my day laborers and my concerns about their job performance, especially Erik. Well things have gone down hill. Apparently he had an appendicitis and he's asking for at least one day off. Next thing you know he's going to ask for paid time off. This is why we should stop illegal immigration--you can't find good help anymore, immigration is ruining our work ethic. Anyway, I'm gonna get back to napping and farting now. Hopefully my people will find a way to entertain me on Monday since I won't have my laborers around to shoot the breeze with.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

On Hedshots

I recently posted a post where I looked into becoming famous. While I was at first discouraged by Hollywood's discrimination against half-breeds (I'm still all-American, you know) I received some feedback that could possibly prove quite helpful. In my quest to look like a purebred I asked for some help as to whether hitting Hollywood up from the Pug or Chihuahua angle would be better. While most of you were probably so impressed with both that you didn't know how to vote (so you didn't), "Alli" said this:
I don't know... I think you should stick with "Chug" and create a petition to make it an official breed. After all, the Pug was originally completely different looking and was bred to look the way it does. So your claims would be perfectly legitimate!
A lot of big words were used there but I think the point was that Chugs have rights too. I'm not one for "entitlement" but I think sometimes when it's something that's really important you gotta step up.
Then "the santos" pointed out that:
I think Chuck Norris could use a butt-kicking sidekick, what with that slender physic of yours and all...
An even better point really.
So, I've come up with these for my headshots.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

On New Yeers

Like any good American I made some resolutions for the new year.

1. Find a new campaign manager who will get me everything on my Christmas list next year.
2. Be nicer to Morgan
3. Quit smoking... pit-bulls
4. Blog at least 6 times a week
5. Get walked at least once a day
6. Meet Chuck Norris
7. Convert my parents to conservatism
8. Become a movie star
9. Defeat terrorism
10. Find Morgan a new home (this might be the only way I can succeed at resolution number two)