On "bak and beter than ever"

I'm sure everyone noticed that I haven't posted in like a week. It's totally not my fault. My parents went on vacation (without me, but at least they didn't take Morgan) and took the laptop with them. It's the only computer I'm big enough to use so I haven't been able to keep you all up to date with my insights. Don't worry though. I'm back in full swing and hopefully they'll be buying me my own laptop soon.

On Hermaphradogs

My "sister" is hecka freaky. She calls herself a female but that is definitely a raised leg I see in this video, which, if I'm not mistaken (and I rarely am) is a sure sign of being male. I'm not sure why I'm surprised by this since I'm pretty sure that the majority of liberals are confused about their sexual identity, but still it's a bit upsetting to realize you're living with a HeShe.

On Faimous

It's official; I'm big time. While surfing one of my favorite website, Conservapedia, I discovered an entry about me. Whoever wrote this article sounds very intelligent, witty, and I suspect is rather handsome. The information appears to be accurate at the moment; hopefully no one edits the entry and starts spreading lies about me.

On Reel Men

I've discovered the perfect group for me. Actually I was totally planning on starting such a group before I even found that link but I'll probably just go ahead and join their group instead of starting my own.

I've been saying for years that Jesus was really a manly man, like me, and W. It's good to see that other enlightened men are starting to recognize the same thing. You doubt his manliness? Let me paint you a picture...

On a blistering hot day Jesus walks into a temple, sweat drips from his forehead, but like a real man he barely notices the heat and even if he does you wouldn't know it because he never shows any weakness. So he walks into the temple and there's a bunch of pansy guys with little pieces of paper fanning themselves between exchanging money with the temple patrons and gossiping like girls. Most of these guys are fat, lazy, and unamerican. A detail that is normally left out of this story is that there is a little brown chug that walks in with Jesus, stays near his side the whole time, watches his back, makes sure no girly-men try to sneak attack him. Sorry, I'm getting side tracked. Jesus sees these guys and gets pissed, so what does he do? He doesn't scurry up to them and ask, "could you guys, maybe, please, take your business outside, please?" No, he goes buck wild on them. The chug may have actually started the whole thing by barking at the least American looking money changer, but Jesus definitely did most of the work. He grabbed the closest one and tossed him out on the street, Chuck Norris style. The whole time that little chug is barking and barking, even gets a hold of an ankle or two. Jesus goes back to work on a couple of other money changes, throws all their money out on the ground too, and then for good measure he hucks their tables out in the street as well. Just like that, seven or eight guys with small biceps and weak stomach muscles are all outside crying about how they just got man handled.

Man I love Jesus! I think he'd be pretty proud of me and my fellow Godmen for taking a stand on this important topic.

On Visiters

Where have I been?

Don't worry, I haven't been injured or killed, we've just had guests. My good friend Charles is in town (he's one of three people who have a custom made Tatanka shirt).

What does Charles have to do with my lack of posts? Well, you see, he's a computer hog. And when he's not hogging the computer he has this habit of picking up my toys, which means I have to go take them from him. He's highly distracting.

On Dadd

Today is my Dad's birthday. Do you want to know why he's so great? Because he can lift a thousand mountains. He could swim across all five oceans. He could take Mike Tyson and Hulk Hogan in a fight (at the same time). He always has treats for me. Sometimes he lets me get away with all kinds of naughty things when mom isn't around. He surly loves me more than Morgan (but who doesn't really). He types really fast. He always manages to put food on the table and in the dog dishes.

When I grow up I hope to be just like him, except more conservative. Love you dad!

On Male

This doesn't happen often but this week I received a piece of mail. Not email, but real mail, delivered through the US Postal Service. Grandpa was kind enough to print out this very funny joke about Hillary Clinton and mail it to me. My parent's didn't think it was the funniest joke in the world, but I'll let you judge for yourself.

Hillary at an Elementary School:

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers a question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions:
First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office as President?

Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informat the kids that they will continue after recess.

When they resume, Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.
"Larry."
"And what is your question, Larry?"
"I have five questions:
First - whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during you husband's eight years in the office as President?

Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?

Third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?

Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?

Fifth - what happened to Kenneth?"

Get it? It's funny because not only does she have a sinful husband but she's also a thief. And to top it all off she made a little kid "disappear" to protect herself. If she weren't a Democrat I'd say she's a woman after my own heart.