The Pontificating Tatanka: October 2007

On Canadia

I'm a little confused by this article. For those who aren't interested in reading any words other than my own, let me summarize.

Basically Canada is complaining that the United States (God bless it) used some video footage from Canada as part of a tourism campaign, in particular some scenery of Niagara Falls.

Here's what I don't get, the video also shows monuments from Washington D.C., the Grand Canyon, the beaches of Hawaii, etc. Why is Canada the only state complaining? What makes them so special? It might be about time we kick these yahoos out of the Union.

-- TKO

On Voteing

My man, Chuck Norris, has put his considerable power (I hear he could kick a football all the way to the moon) behind the same candidate I'm going to vote for: Mike Huckabee.

I realize that you haven't heard me mention this name before so it *might* look like I'm voting for whoever Chuck Norris is (which, btw, isn't that bad of a way to decide who you're voting for, the man won't steer you wrong, also it's my understanding that if the sun blew up we could put Chuck Norris in the sky and survive off his life giving rays). But that's not what's happening here. I've been in contact with Chuck Norris and we decided to announce our votes at the same time to double the impact (speaking of impact, I hear that if Chuck Norris kicked you in the nuts your whole family would feel it).

On Bycycles

Speaking of sports heroes, I was just reminiscing about how much I like Lance Armstrong. He's an American hero who fought back against cancer and, get this, he beat the French at their own game. Normally I wouldn't recommend playing French games but if you're going to you might as well beat them at it.

On Vik

Everyone has heard of this Michael Vick guy, right? Let me give you quick recap just in case you're not up to speed on the topic. He's a football star who was recently found to be part of a dog fighting ring. I'm a little torn on this topic. On the macro level I'm against killing dogs, but on the micro level I'm all for killing pit bulls. Just the other day I saw one playing with a ball and I was about two milliseconds away from going all Chuck Norris on him. Silly dog was lucky dad grabbed me by my tough-guy harness before I got my jaws-of-death fully locked on home-skillet's leg.

What do you guys think, is Vick a hero or a criminal?

I've been reading the Wealth of Nations lately so you may have noticed I've spruced up my vocab a little with Economic jargon (macro and micro). I might school you guys on the greatness of Capitalism in a later post.

On Colombus Day

WTF?! I couldn't find one single parade to go to today- couldn't find anybody to BBQ with because everyone was working- couldn't find any drawings of Columbus in elementary school windows! I know that Columbus is "controversial" and all, what with these liberals and their semantics with "discovering", but com'on! What is this world coming to?
There was certainly plenty of people parading and drawing on Cesar Chavez day- and what did he do to contribute to discovering America? I'm pretty sure it was NOTHING last time I checked.

God bless you Mr. Columbus!

On Fashonable Furniture

My mom has been doing a lot of furniture shopping for her new studio. (I know, boooorrrring) But she laughed out loud the other day when she came across this piece from Venfield.

So I of course had to see what all the fuss was about, and she was right- pretty ridiculous. BUT, it gave me another one of my brilliant ideas. I know, I have so many they are hard to keep track of, but this particular brilliant idea was along the lines of a Betsy's Cat kinda idea. You see, I have a pretty ridiculous sister who, while I hate to admit that she ever looks good, would make a fairly good-looking chair- as far as ridiculous chairs go.

I think this is a pretty good idea because one of Morgan's only redeeming qualities is that she's soft. If we made her into a chair, we could all still pet her but we wouldn't have to share food, stuffed hedgehogs, or belly rubs with her.

--TKO