On Contestss

Bark Magazine is having this contest to pick the next Cover Dog. I was thinking I should probably hold out for the Centerfold Contest because you get a bigger picture of you and they don't put all those words around your picture. . . . But I couldn't seem to find any Doggie Centerfold Contests going on at the moment so I just went ahead and sent my portfolio in for this one.
So anyway, just wanted to warn everyone that you will more than likely be seeing my handsome face on the January Cover issue. I mean yes this is a contest and tens of thousands of dogs from all over the country have been submitted, but com'on- let's be realistic.

--TKO

On Tatoos

This past weekend was one of the biggest missed opportunities of my life. The tattoo expo was here in town and it completely slipped my mind.
I've been wanting to look into my own particular piece of Body Art. . . . and I've done a little simulation of one of my ideas:
and the close up:
I have to give my day laborer Eric some credit for this one. While he is usually full of bad ideas like leaving the park after only 2 hours, he did help me come up with this great one.

--TKO

On Monkee-Faced

My parents keep insisting on calling me a "monkey-faced dog." I was having a hard time with it at first, but now I'm convinced it's actually a compliment. I came to this conclusion because one of my all-time favorite people is often compared to a monkey as well--so it can't be too bad.



--TKO

On Not My Falt

My grandma's birthday was yesterday and it's totally not my fault that I didn't mention it. You see my mom happens to lack conservative values, like respect and tradition and family (most non-conservatives are like this) and therefore didn't even remember that yesterday was her mom's (my grandma's) birthday.
Grandma, I'm so sorry for your daughters poor values, but you can at least rest easy knowing that what didn't get passed on to her has luckily manifested itself one generation later in me. And even if she doesn't care, I still do. Happy Birthday.

-- TKO

On Kindrid Spirits

In order to be better understood by society, I wanted to highlight Stitch for my readers.
Some of you may be familiar with Stitch. He was the Disney-alien-mistaken-for-dog creature who was created solely to destroy. Now, I'm not claiming to be an alien but I am claiming that I was created solely to destroy. Life can be lonely for guys like us. Living day to day with the purpose of tearing things apart can make it hard to make friends at times. So I just wanted to recognize those kindred spirits who are also programmed in this way.

Notice any similarities?

--TKO

On Uncle Waine

I am sad to announce that my very dear friend Wayne will be moving in less than 2 days.
While one can hardly be blamed for wanting to move out of this God-forsaken city what with all of it's liberals and gays and whatnot, I'm still terribly upset about his decision to move to Portland.

I've decided to make a list of the things I will miss about Wayne:
- the way he lets me lick his hand for like 10 mins straight
- he's the only one that ever gives me meat bones
- I can totally get away with sitting on the couch when he's over
-

huh . . . I thought there'd be more. . . . Anyway- one final dedication:

On New Servises

I've been thinking of adding a "product review" element to my blog. I realize a lot of other dogs probably look up to me so they would more than likely appreciate hearing what I think about various squeaky toys, water bowls, liver treats, peanut butter treats, stuffed hedgehogs, beds, etc. But the problem is that in order to test out these products, I need to have access to them. Since we all know my parents aren't gonna be buying me any extras, I think I'm gonna have to start looking for sponsors. . .

I'd like to start by approaching the Gizmodo company. Feel free to send me a few different sizes of your product. I want to make sure I do a full and complete product review, so as to ensure my reputation as a well-respected and trusted product reviewer, a real professional.

On Appropriate Oversites

Grandpa sent "the Fam" a little package the other day, and I was pleased to see that he too does not really recognize Morgan as a full-fledged family member.
If you take a look at his signature at the bottom of the note,
you'll see that he acknowledges everybody except Morgan,

Love you both, & "T" too!
Love, Dad

Yep, looks like 3 of us were wished well, but he probably realizes that Morgan is just here on a temporary basis (like I've always suspected) so there's really no reason to waste energy on loving her.

My kinda guy, that Grandpa is!

--TKO

On Real Debaits

I pointed out earlier how silly the Democrats are with their talking snowmen and virtual questions and now it's time for me to review a real debate: The Republican Iowa Debate. Now this, this is a real debate, where men come to battle (notice they didn't even let a girl on the stage), they don't mince words, and they all know that being a liberal is one small step away from being a criminal.

So if I had to vote today who would I vote for? I'll put them in order for you.

1. Mitt Romeny. Guys seriously I'm having doggy dreams about Reagan being back in the White House. It would be glorious. The one draw back is he and my weird hippy liberal parents share the same religion. He could be on some liberal slippery slop that I'm not fully aware of. I'll be keeping a close eye on him to make sure he doesn't progress in the wrong direction.

2. Mayor Giuliani. He saved New York people! The man has heart and soul, but his daughter is a little out of control. A man who can't control his women is slightly more suspect than a man that shares a religion with my liberal parents.

3. Fred Thompson. His wife is smoking hot. And it would be kind of like having an older Reagan in the white house.

4. John McCain. I like how he won't back down from Iraq. I know that place is crawling with terrorist and we need to stay there to keep the place sane. We've seen how well a hard-nosed-no-budging type of personality works in the White House (God Bless President Bush); I'm sure we could use another eight years of that type of bliss. On the negative side I'm still a little miffed that he didn't seem to be on board with Bush's plans all the time. Plus his wife isn't smoking hot.

--TKO

On Babys

I was reading my mom's blog tonight and saw that she shared a little story about an interaction between myself and Catcher, a 3-year old relative in attendance at this family reunion I've been posting about.

Tatanka didn't want to play with him, and told him so by snapping at him. He didn't incur any physical injury but when Amber was asking him if he had any ouchies, he pointed to his heart. Then the next day he pointed to Tatanka and told Holly "That's the dog that bwoke my hawat"

I know everyone's probably like, "ohhh- that's soooo cute", and "oh, how sad for sweet little Catcher" and "oh, that Tatanka is such a brat" but let me point out some things my negligent mother didn't:

1) Kids can be cruel. I mean look at this other one that was also there- how am I supposed to know she's not just gonna start pulling my tail and poking my eyes out! People under 3 and a half feet can't be trusted.

2) He kinda deserved it. Look at this picture of Catcher trying to get with my lady- I think I made it perfectly clear in the last post that she was with me. I mean, nobody saw her asking Catcher to lotion up her back. . .

3) That toy totally looks just like one of mine that I haven't seen in a while. Kinda suspect, don't you think?
4) And finally, what a baby! When I was 3, I had already learned about the art of fighting back, and certainly didn't go around tattling on everybody. Oh, and learn to spell!

--TKO

On Life Gaurding Perks

I have to be honest about my self-appointed job as life guard that I told you all about the other day. While it is important to me to keep law and order while people are swimming, being life guard also has the perk of getting to put sun tan lotion on all the hotties' backs.
Awe Ye-ah!

-TKO