On Things in Their Rite Places

My parents got a new vacuum cleaner yesterday, at least that's what they claim it to be. But I think it looks an awful lot like a Ninja Lightsaber, and Ninja Lightsabers should not be kept in the home-

Seeing this foreign object in my office reminded me that it wasn't the first incident of it's kind recently. My good friend Charles was out here visiting again a few weeks back and he brought with him a so-called "toiletry bag". Now I totally dig Charles, but his bag was weird man-


--TKO

On Bad Musik

I'm starting to think I need my own iPod. Currently I am at the whims of whatever my parents are in the mood to listen to, and sadly, this is rarely Country. Frankly, I don't know how people can listen to anything but. I mean, most of the other stuff out there you either can't even understand the words, or they yell it instead of sing it. . . and I'm pretty sure most of it is advocating questionable actions.

Below is a video clip that should illustrate my point well. My dad was listening to something called the White Stripes the other night. It unfortunately possessed him to start dancing like the devil. Fortunately, I was there to bite the devil's heels.


--TKO

On Quoets

Sometimes I come up with really good quotes. I'm not sure why I haven't shared them in the past. Today, for instance, mom was trying to push me around so I growled at her a little bit. She gave me a stern look and said, "Tatanka be nice!" But, check this out, I told her, "Mom, you can take the wolf out of the forest but you can't take the forest out of the wolf."

-- Secretary TKO

On Not The Reel Deal

I've discovered an impostor! Some dog claiming to be America's coolest dog. His name is Zoey, here's a link to his website, but there probably isn't any need to visit it often since it won't be nearly as interesting (or informative) as mine.

Here's the thing, I've been doing this for a year now. I've blazed a new path. I'm going all Lewis and Clark on the Internet and this guy, he just shows up and acts like he's the original blogging dog or something. Whatever, I could handle that. But he also claims to be the American Dog. Hello? Has no one been reading my blog (clearly not the case but play along with me)? I'm obviously the top choice for America's Dog. No one, except maybe President Bush, loves America more than me.

On Up Dates

Since my day laborers didn't come by today (don't ask me why, it's probably due to a communist inspired holiday) I had some free time and decide to update my profile. I want my avid readers to get a better feel for who I am, realize I'm a nuanced, complex dog, not just a pretty face. I hope it helps you come to a deeper, fuller understanding of me.

-- Secretary TKO

On I Can Undurstand

This guy sort of has the same problem I have, but opposite. He's a person who is kind of like a wolf and I'm a wolf kind of like a person. See I have all these complex human thoughts (unlike Morgan who walks around drooling like a zombie all day) and no one really understands me. Luckily the Internet is sort of a buffer. I've got three girlfriends I met on Yahoo Chat, I tell them I'm a doctor in Africa so we can't meet in person. Now I just have to convince the government to let me vote, one more Republican vote in this country would do a world of good.

-- Secretary TKO

On Lables

My mom just got a new label-maker, and I think she might be getting a little carried away.


--TKO

On Real Debaits II

Here's something that further helped me get out of my political-depression: the latest Republican Debate. The debates just gets me in the voting spirit; makes me feel so American (the Republican ones, not the Democrat ones, those just make me want to throw up) . The time draws close to when we will be called to the ballot booths again to make the most sacred of decisions: who will run the free world. And I can tell you who I'm not voting for: Mr. Ron Paul.

Doesn't being against the war make you a democrat? I'm going to make a prediction now. By the end of the month Mr. Ron Paul will see his mistake and come round to the right way of viewing the war. To push him in that direction I just might send him an email. Things don't get done if you don't let people know what you're thinking. Now, if everyone in the House and Senate would just read my blog I wouldn't have to write quite so many emails.

--Secretary TKO

On Depresed

The last few weeks have been a little rough guys. I'm a worried about the President. He's losing all of his best people: Rove, Gonzales, Snow. I mean they're all leaving for important reasons: family, was doing too good of a job, needed more money. But seriously who is going to help Bush make important decisions in this critical last half year of his Presidency? The only thing that helps me not get completely depressed is the fact that there might be room for me in the White House Cabinet. I think I'd make a splendid Secretary of Defense. From now on you guys should refer to me as Mr. Secretary, you know, for practice. Man I'm feeling better already.

--Secretary TKO